My Only Regret
by BenoightLangson
Summary: Olivia has unresolved feelings for a friend but the problem is, she's already in a relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Another Benoight story that popped into my head. As usual, I don't own any of the characters.**

Olivia Benson was sitting in Hank Voight's office after solving another case. It was usually their thing to go out for drinks every time they worked together in his City. It was a little harder in hers because she had Noah and now Ed, even though they had gone out with both Squads after the Yates trial was over to celebrate.

"We going to Molly's?"

"I don't know if we should. I told Ed I'd call him as soon as the case was over."

"Come on, Benson! How can you trust a guy who made your life so miserable for years because he was with IAB?"

"People change, Hank."

"Are you happy?"

"I don't know. It's good to have someone besides my son to come home to but he does check up on me a lot though. Some days I appreciate it and others I just want to be left alone. He is good with Noah though and a boy does need a father. Ed never really wanted to be a dad until we started seeing each other. I guess he'd make a good dad."

"You don't sound too convinced."

"I'm not sure of anything right now."

"You hungry?"

"A little bit."

"Let's go."

They left and headed to one of Hank's favorite Pizzerias. When they arrived, they got a table and sat down. They agreed on what to get and then the server brought them their beers.

"How have you been since your son's death?"

"About as good as can be expected. I have my good days and my bad days. I've been thinking that I need to make some changes in my life. I'm starting to get lonely."

"You still have Erin."

"I know but she wants to spend every waking moment with Halstead. He's a good guy but not really who I saw her with."

"It's her decision. She's not a child."

"Yeah, I know. Do you have any regrets?"

Yes, actually, I do. I let the man I really wanted get away. I'm not sure I can tell him how I really feel."

"I know the feeling. I started having feelings for someone too. I've never been very open about my feelings after Camille's death but I've come to realize that I need to start communicating more."

"You could still tell her how you feel."

"She's with someone else. I guess it wasn't obvious enough that I felt something for her. I tried changing my ways but apparently, it wasn't enough. It probably wouldn't work anyway."

"Why not?"

"We live in different cities."

"Hank."

"Yeah."

"You're talking about me, aren't you?"

"Yep. I'm assuming you weren't talking about me."

"You assumed wrong. I've wanted something to happen between us ever since that first case we worked on together."

"Me too. I guess it's too late now. It probably would never work between us anyway. The distance and the fact that you're in a relationship with someone else."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"I also don't want to be the other man in your life. When I'm in a relationship, I'm in it long term. The only other relationship I have been in resulted in marriage. The last thing I want is to have my heart broken. What if we get close and you end up choosing him over me? That doesn't sit well with me. I just want you to know that I would never hurt you or be unfaithful to you."

"I know. My feelings for you were much stronger than I realized. Like you, I didn't think it could work out because of the distance between us but you have become such a big part of my life. I look forward to our cases just so I can have an excuse to come see you."

"You don't need an excuse to come see me. I'm usually here all the time. The only place I seem to go lately is New York to work with you. I was disappointed when I found out that you were in a relationship with someone but I guess if I wanted something to happen between us, I needed to tell you."

"That would definitely be helpful. I wish you were around when I was being held hostage earlier this year."

"Is that when you two got together?"

"Pretty much. I love hearing you say that you wish I was here more often. Sometimes I wish I was."

They were sitting in a round booth. Olivia moved, so she was sitting closer to Hank. She leaned into him and kissed him.

"Wow! You are definitely a much better kisser than Ed is. There is no passion in his kisses."

"Benson, don't compare me to him."

"Sorry. Hank, would it be ok if we continued this later?"

"My place or your hotel?"

"Your place. Fin is in the room next door to mine and I'd never hear the end of it if he heard something. Of course, he hates the fact that I'm with Ed. He's made it known and I do respect his opinion because I've known him for so long."

What Hank and Olivia didn't know was that Fin and the rest of Hank's Squad were also there and saw what had just happened between them.

 **To be continued…**

 **Reviews are appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own any of the characters**

As Hank and Olivia waited for their pizza, Hank's Squad and Fin were trying to figure out what was going on between their bosses.

"I thought she was in a relationship with that IAB guy."

"He used to be with IAB but he's still the same guy as far as I'm concerned. If this becomes something, I'd be fine with it. I like Voight."

"Do Rollins and Carisi like her and that other guy together?"

"Oh, hell no! They have both seen something between her and Voight though. Even Amaro did and so did Barba. Liv doesn't know we Skyped with Amaro and he knows she's with Tucker. He thought we were joking. He said he was secretly hoping she would have gotten together with Voight. The rest of us said the same thing. Barba was so pissed at her when he found out they were together. Sometimes it almost feels like we don't know her anymore. I overhear things I'm not supposed to quite a bit. I'm good at that, especially where Liv is concerned. When we were at the airport waiting for our flight, she was on the phone with Tucker and they were arguing. He apparently didn't want her coming here."

Erin saw Olivia heading to the washroom.

"I'll be right back."

Erin got up and headed to the washroom without Hank seeing her. As soon as she got to the door, it opened and Olivia walked out.

"Uh oh!"

"You and Hank have some explaining to do."

They walked back to Olivia and Hank's table.

"We've been caught."

"Oops!"

"Talk."

"How many of you know about this?"

"Our entire Squad and Fin."

"Oh, great! Fin knows."

Erin sat down and then Fin and Olinsky came over and sat down as well.

"Hey, Liv!"

"You better not breathe a word of this to Rollins and Carisi."

"Can I tell Tucker?"

"No! Although I really don't care what he thinks any more. I know you heard my end of the conversation with him at the airport."

"It was a little hard not to."

"I haven't heard from him since. I talked to Lucy and she said he hasn't been at my apartment to spend time with Noah either."

"Does he know how you feel about Voight?"

"No. Wait a minute, he was putting Noah to bed that night I called to tell Hank that you and I were coming out here. He must have overheard me tell Hank I couldn't wait to see him, which I couldn't."

"I still can't figure you sleeping with the guy."

"Don't even go there, Fin."

"That good, huh?"

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"I've had better."

"Should I assume you're not leaving tomorrow?"

"I'll probably stay an extra day."

"Ok."

Hank and Olivia's pizza arrived, so the other 3 went back to their table. Fin and the Squad left, leaving Hank and Olivia there by themselves. After they were done eating and Hank paid the bill, they left and Hank drove to his house. They went inside and put the leftovers in the refrigerator. Olivia grabbed Hank and started kissing him.

"I want you."

"I want you too."

Hank took Olivia up to the bedroom. They got on the bed and continued kissing. They undressed each other and then they made love. Afterwards Hank had his arms around her and she had her head on his chest.

"That was absolutely amazing."

"It sure was. Where do we go from here?"

"I'm going to end things with Ed and we're going to find a way to make this work long distance. This feels so right. I love you and I want to be with you."

"I love you too. I don't say that to too many people. I didn't really say it to Justin enough."

"I'm sure Justin knew you loved him."

"I hope he did. I really miss him."

"I'm sure you do. It's never easy to lose someone you care about. I miss Dodds more than I thought I would. He was with my Squad for less than a year. I just wish there was more I could have done to prevent that from happening."

"I know the feeling. Our late night talks really helped me though all the rough stuff after his death."

"I got more out of our talks than I got from Ed. He tried to be supportive but sometimes I just felt like I was being interrogated by him. Obviously, some things never change, even though I had hoped they would have. Thankfully, I feel a lot closer to my Squad and Barba again since Dodds died."

"I started shutting everyone out after Justin died, including Erin and Olinsky. You're really the one that got me through that and I appreciate it. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm glad I could help."

They started kissing and were about to make love again when Olivia's phone rang. She looked to see who it was. It was Lucy, so she answered it. Noah wanted to talk to her before he went to sleep. While she was on the phone, Hank started kissing her neck. After she talked to Noah, she talked to Lucy again and then she hung up.

"Apparently Ed broke up with me without me even being there. Lucy said he left the keys he had for my apartment and took whatever stuff he had there."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. The passion was never there. I asked Lucy if she could bring Noah out here for a few days."

"I can't wait to meet him. I think that Ed guy is a coward for doing what he did. He at least should have ended things face to face."

"Exactly. I didn't tell you this but he actually proposed to me a few times. We went to Paris for a few weeks over the summer and he did it in front of the Eiffel Tower. Obviously, I said no. That was really embarrassing. He tried doing it again the other night and again, I said no. He's also told me he loves me a few times but I usually avoid that conversation. Obviously, I don't feel the same way about him and I just wish he would have figured that out. In case you were wondering, my feelings for you are real and I do love you. I'm not just saying I do. I truly love you."

"I love you too and my feelings for you are very real. I wouldn't have let this happen otherwise. Do you want to get married?"

"Eventually but I also want it to be forever. I could see it happening with you though. I'd like to see where we are in maybe a year. We do need to figure out what we plan to do if we are going to be together."

"I want to be together."

"I do too. That's why we need to figure it out. How often do we want to see each other? Are we going to alternate between Chicago and New York? Who is going to be the one to make the big move if and when we do get married?"

"I know this is going to be complicated but I am in this 100%."

"Me too."

"I hope Noah likes me."

"I hope so too. He likes Ed but he senses that I am not happy with the way things are. Unlike Ed. When Noah and I are alone, I talk to him about you. When I told him I was coming to Chicago, he asked if I was going to see my friend, Hank. I told him I was. When I just talked to him now, he said he wants to meet you. It normally takes him a little bit of time to warm up to people, so don't expect miracles. Do you still see your grandson?"

"Oh, yeah. Olive brings him to visit me as often as she can."

"That's good. I really don't want to talk anymore."

"I can take care of that."

"That's what I was counting on."

They started kissing and then they made love again before falling asleep in each other's arms. The next morning, Hank got out of bed and put his robe on. He went into the bathroom and went downstairs to make breakfast. In the meantime, Olivia had woken up, pulled a shirt out of the dresser and went into the bathroom. She heard her phone, so she grabbed it. It was Lucy telling her Noah wasn't feeling well, so they would not be coming to Chicago. She went downstairs to the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Hank's waist.

"Good morning."

"Good morning yourself, Beautiful."

"I have news."

"What?"

Hank turned around.

"Nice shirt. It's my favorite."

"If you want it back, then you need to take it off of me."

"Don't tempt me, Benson. I'm really trying to control myself right now."

"Oh, you mean you don't want to make passionate love to me right here on your kitchen table?"

"As tempting as it sounds, no."

"Sergeant Voight, I thought you loved to live dangerously."

"Oh, I do. I just prefer making love in bed."

"Ed only wanted to have sex in bed too."

Hank turned off the burner on the stove before he started kissing Olivia and then she sat on the table as they made passionate love.

"Are you satisfied now, Lieutenant?"

"Very."

Olivia gave Hank a sexy smirk and then they kissed again before Hank went back to fixing breakfast and Olivia wiped off the table.

"Since we kind of got side tracked, what's your news?"

"Noah isn't feeling well, so Lucy isn't bringing him."

"Does that mean you're leaving?"

"I told her I was staying one more day, so I'd be home tomorrow."

"Ok. I'll take the day off and then we can spend the whole day together."

"That works for me. I want to check out of my hotel and stay here."

"You are welcome to stay here anytime."

"Good, especially after everything that has happened between us last night and now this morning."

Hank kissed her again and then her cell phone rang. It was Ed.

"Uh oh!"

"Is that him?"

"Yep."

Olivia answered her phone and went into the living room. Hank could hear the conversation from her end but knew to give her some privacy. The doorbell rang, so Hank went to answer it. It was Fin. They looked in the living room and went into the kitchen.

"Tucker?"

"Yep."

"He called me last night looking for her and is a little more than pissed that she didn't call him back last night."

"She never mentioned anything about him calling. She talked to Lucy and she said he returned the key for her apartment and took whatever stuff he had there. It sounded like he broke up with her."

"That's not what it sounded like according to him. He made it sound like they had just hit a rough patch in their relationship but they'd get through it because they loved each other. Of course, I didn't buy a word of it. I know Liv and something just didn't seem right with that entire relationship. I know it, Rollins knows it, Carisi knows it, Barba knows it and Amaro knows it. She seems like she's more herself when she's with you, even if you were only friends, which I'm sure you're not anymore after what we saw last night. I just want her to be happy and she is happy when she's in Chicago. That's obvious."

They heard Olivia tell Ed she didn't love him. She never did and she never will.

"I guess that answers that. You love her, don't you?"

"You know I do. Last night never would have happened if I didn't. She's the best thing to happen to me in a long time."

They heard her tall Tucker that she's been in love with Hank for about 2 years. Then they heard her tell him to go to hell. She hung up the phone and was in tears when she got to the kitchen. She buried his face in his chest and sobbed as he put his arms around her.

"I would have thought you'd be happy about this."

"I am. He's blaming me for what happened because I'm the one that cheated. The only time that happened was last night and I admitted to that. In my heart, it's been over for a while now. I don't regret anything that happened last night. I regret not telling you how I felt about you sooner and ever getting involved with him."

"Voight said Lucy told you Tucker broke up with you. He told me that you two were still very much together and just hit a rough patch in your relationship but you'd get through it because you loved each other."

"If he thinks that, he's delusional. Lucy doesn't lie. I told him that I didn't owe him an explanation for anything, including what happened last night. He again told me he loved me and I told him I didn't love him. I never have and I never will."

"You and Voight should just get married."

"I want to but just not right now. I told Hank that I want to see where we are in a year. I am going to work my butt off to make sure this works. How often do we want to see each other? Are we going to alternate between New York and Chicago? Who will be the one to relocate if and when we do get married? There are a lot of questions we need to have answered in regards to our relationship. This is the relationship I want to have work. I don't want to go home but I have to deal with it sometime."

"When are you leaving?"

"Probably tomorrow. I wanted Lucy to bring Noah out here for a few days but she called me earlier and said he wasn't feeling well this morning. Probably too much ice cream."

"Maybe next weekend I'll fly out there, so I can meet Noah."

"I'm guessing he'll be happy about that."

"Did Tucker call you last night?"

"A couple times but I ignored it because I didn't want him to ruin things for us. I wanted everything about last night to be special and it definitely was. Trust me when I tell you this, he probably would have wanted to talk to you and tried to tell you to stay away from me because I'm with him. The last I checked, I'm a big girl and I am capable of making my own decisions, especially those concerning my sex life. After last night, there is no way in hell I would ever have sex with him again. I never should have in the first place. Fin, why didn't you stop me from making such a horrible mistake?"

"Because I didn't want to have my head chewed off and told to mind my own business. Rollins, Carisi, Barba and I have been really worried about you these last several months. Even Amaro was starting to get worried. You seem to be happier when you're in Chicago and you're more like your old self when you're with Voight, even if it's just for a case."

"I feel like I can be myself around Hank. I'm sorry if I haven't been myself. I started drinking more after I was held hostage that last time. Maybe that's what being in a relationship with Tucker did to me. I started wondering if there was really something wrong with me because I was making such stupid decisions. From now on, if you guys think I'm about to make a stupid decision, please tell me. Amaro knows, huh?"

"Yep. We Skyped with him. We all like Voight, so you did good there, Liv."

"I'm glad you approve. I think I did too."

Olivia's phone rang again and it was Lucy, so she answered it. She talked to Noah and then she handed the phone to Hank.

"Noah wants to talk to you."

"Ok."

Hank took the phone and talked to Noah. He handed the phone back to Olivia and after she hung up, they are breakfast. Fin left for the airport and Hank called work and told them to only call him if they really needed him. They went upstairs and made love again before they took a shower. Hank drove to her hotel, so she could change and pack her things. She checked out of the hotel and he spent the entire day showing her around his City. After the long day, they went back to Hank's, had dinner and made love before they went to sleep for the night.

Neither of them wanted to be apart from each other after what had happened between them the previous night and after spending the entire day together but they were determined to make things work between them. He knew she had changed his life for the better and she knew he was the one she wanted to share her life with. The next step in their relationship would be introducing him to her son and he eventually wanted to introduce her to his grandson. She only hoped their first face to face meeting would go as well as their phone conversation appeared to.

After she returned to New York, she told Barba, Rollins and Carisi about what had happened in Chicago and told them what she had told Fin. Everyone including Barba was glad to hear about her and Hank. Ed on the other hand, was not happy about what had happened in Chicago. He's show up at Olivia's apartment at all hours of the night hoping she'd come back to him but she kept saying no. He promised her he'd change but she still refused because she was with the man she truly loved and knew that when the time was right, he'd eventually be her husband and a father to her son.

When Hank flew to New York, Olivia and Noah had picked him up and they spent the entire weekend together doing Noah's favorite things, which was all Hank's idea. He really wanted to make a good first impression on her son. What surprised Olivia the most was how fast Noah took to him. Hank wanted to put Noah to bed his first night there. As Olivia watched the man she loved tuck her son into bed and seeing Noah give Hank hugs and kisses really warmed her heart. She knew her life was complete with the 2 of them and she was even more sure the 3 of them would someday be a family. Hank's life was complete with them and for the first time since Camille's death and more recently Justin's, he was happy and knew he was ready to make a commitment to Olivia and Noah. They still had to decide who would relocate but that would be a decision they would make together when the time came.

 **Reviews are appreciated.**


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